“You are what your deepest desire is.
As your desire is, so is your intention.
As your intention is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.”
As someone who has always been a lover of journaling and writing, I have equally loved making collages not only for inspiration but to see what both consciously and unconsciously is going on in my mind. I recently started a new project where I give myself an hour or so to make a collage, choosing text and images that speak to me in the moment. I allow no judgement or even question where a choice may be coming from. The next day, I write in Day One (my awesome journaling app) and describe what I see in the collage and what I feel it may or may not be saying. I thought of this because I yearn for a sense of clarity in my life right now. I find myself at an immense crossroads and am working out what my next step will be. I specifically use the phrase will be instead of should be because I, nor anyone else, truly knows what should happen next. The gift life gives us is the ability to make decisions based on what we want in life and what we think will carry us further along in becoming our best selves. Yoga teaches me to be in the moment, reflecting not on the “shoulds” of the past or the “shoulds” of the future. As my friend Jeanne says, we just end up “shoulding all over ourselves.” Why would we want that? When the universe is calling for us to pick a direction (as Arjuna was called to the battlefield), it can be terribly frightening. In the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna is not immediately willing to face the call of life – or more specifically, the call of duty. He is distressed by the decision he has to make and refuses to engage. “Every decision we make comes with loss, whether big or small,” my friend Tara says. And this is life. I made a very powerful decision to stick up for myself in the workplace when I felt something unprofessional and unfair was occurring. I felt bullied, intimidated, and attacked by a senior member of the team and voiced my concerns. Two weeks later I was fired and hailing a cab on Fifth avenue at 9:30am with all my belongings, except for my family picture which they ended up mailing to me. Here is a brave choice that came with loss, even though it was extremely unfair and I will never regret my actions. The bottom line is this — I know I refuse to make decisions because I am afraid of what the potential “loss” could be. But just like Arjuna, I am being called to act, to fight, to engage in life and it’s uncertainties. We can’t sit back and expect life to happen, we have to make it happen. I trust that my desire will bring my intention, my intention will bring my will, my will will bring my deed, and my deed will bring me to my destiny….I hope you follow me along on this journey. Love always, Jenna. (p.s. I just wrote this without editing so I hope it makes sense…. off to meet a friend now.)